This morning, my wife posted the article “The Connection Between Birth Control & Abortion: Is the Church Really Pro-Life?” on Facebook with the comment: Food for Thought. I read it and decided it was good enough, provocative too, for a re-post or a share on my own wall. In it, the writer addresses “the birth control mindset” very well (and before you jump to any conclusions or defence, please read the article first to fully appreciate the writer’s distinction and definition of such a mindset).
“Hear what I said: “the birth control mindset.” This is a very important distinction. I am not saying, nor have I ever said, it is a sin to use birth control or that a Christian can not, upon careful prayer and discernment, space children. It’s not a discussion about specific circumstances, or sick mamas or hard pregnancies.
The “birth control mindset” is one that treats new life too lightly, fails to give proper authority to the Creator, assumes absolute control over fertility and consequently establishes (either consciously or not) that the idea of “normal” family size is two or three children.
The birth control mindset inadvertently becomes hostile to the practice of forgoing birth control. And herein lies a great problem.”
Indeed, just because Christians are against abortion doesn’t necessarily mean that they are pro-life. On the one hand, the Church speaks out boldly for the protection of life for the unborn, yet on the other, advocate and practise the prevention of life for the yet to be conceived too. The birth control mindset has become a way of life in today’s world, even for Christians, usually rationalising and justifying it as a responsible act. Or to sound more spiritual, that they are not called (?) to have many children.
So does this mean that we who have grappled with this birth control mindset just cannot wait to have more children? I know of some couples who are like that, but that’s not us. We have been asked many times before, “Do you want more children?”, a typical large family FAQ. Well, the answer I give is, “I am happy with the number I have at the moment.” And that has been the answer since we decided to let God plan our family size some years ago. Let’s be honest. Raising children is tiring and calls for many sacrifices. If I had my way, I would do what many have done … STOP. But the truth is, we have chosen to let God have His way in our family, and that means being willing to submit to His plans, regardless the number.
Now, I know that sounds very commendable and full of faith. But do not be deceived 🙂 Each time we found out we were expecting another, let me say that it was not without anxiety or concern. We had to keep reminding ourselves, and still do, that if God has chosen to bless us with a child, He would be faithful to enable us to care for and to provide for this child too.
And so, we have seven lovely children today. I said lovely, not perfect. Is it easy by any means? You’ve got to be joking! Just read some of my parenting posts (rants!) and you will see that we have exactly the same challenges as anyone else, if not more (multiplied by seven, of course)! And for the record, it is not funny when people jokingly pop questions like, “So are you going to stop?” or “Is No.8 on the way?” or “Have twelve la, like Jacob!” Firstly, it really is none of your business. Next, since I do not have two wives and two maids, like Jacob, don’t compare me with the biblical patriarch. And finally, in case you didn’t know, you really should be asking, “Is No.11 on the way?” Yes, unfortunately, Serene has suffered three miscarriages, one in 2007 before Anna Joy (our youngest), and two after in 2012. As such, in God’s books and ours, it’s ten and we are looking forward to the day we get to meet our other three children 🙂 But I digress…
So, back to the question, “Is the Church really pro-life?” Well, on the surface, it appears so. But from real-life, on-the-ground interactions with both clergy and laity, our birth control mindsets are sadly not much different from the world.
Oh, and as expected, as at the point of publishing this post, my Facebook share only garnered one LIKE … from a single male.