This Silent Retreat, 18-19 Nov 2013, I didn’t have to wait too long for God to speak.
After morning devotions, we entered silence and I made my way back to my room. Wanting to reflect on the passage a little bit more, I opened my bible to Exodus 3 again. I read of how God got Moses’ attention, called him and he answered, “Here I am.” Then God gave Moses his assignment, to which he responded with the words, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children out of Egypt?”
I thought to myself, “Hey! That just described me!”
Yes, that’s where I am right now. I know what I am to do for the Lord has spoken very clearly — more than once. It sounds really exciting but more recently I’ve been getting the jitters, asking and asking again, “Are you sure, Lord? Did you really say that?” Like the call of Moses, I quickly moved from “Here I am.” to “Who am I?”, this overwhelming sense of inadequacy 😦
God, in His grace, assured Moses that He would most certainly be with him (Exodus 3:12). And when asked who is the sending authority, Moses was to reply that I AM THAT I AM had sent him (Exodus 3:14). And if that was not enough, there would be accompanying signs and wonders through the rod of God (Exodus 4:17). God told Moses not to worry about what to say for “I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say.” (Exodus 4:12) God even acceded to Moses’ request for another to take his place by bringing Aaron, his brother, to be his spokesman (Exodus 4:16)! From this, you really get the feeling that God was not going take “no” for an answer. It was as if God was telling Moses, “Hey, Moses, you want assurance? I’ll give you assurance! Now, stop giving excuses and get going!”
Well, I got what I asked for too. God knows exactly how I am feeling, how much I need His assurance and He sure gave it to me. The question I need to answer really isn’t “Who am I?” but “Who is my God?” To every concern and question Moses posed, the reply was always about God, who He is and how powerful He is. From the start, it would always be a God-thing. All God needed from Moses was his obedience and submission.
The Lord has called and I have answered, “Here I am.” He has promised to be with me and to enable me. My part is to respond in obedience and to rely on Him completely. In some sense, this feeling of inadequacy is good as it drives me to my knees to seek Him more. In that position, I acknowledge that it is not who I am but who He is that truly matters.
So, here goes … in the words of John Bradford, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”