I can’t quite put my finger on it but there is a sense of deep discontentment in my heart. And I am not talking about desiring more money, a new car, or a bigger house (although that would be nice for our growing family). Not at all! Instead, I am feeling that there is a lot more – and I really mean a whole lot more – to be discovered and experienced in my relationship with God than I could even begin to fathom or imagine. It’s more than ministry and church activities. These are exciting but there is more! It’s more than quiet time, bible study and even praise and worship. These are exhilarating but there is more! I know I have only scratched the surface and there is a growing frustration in my spirit to breakthrough to a deeper dimension in my relationship with the Lord.
Against the backdrop of world events – disasters, more accurately – it’s as if we are standing on the edge of something that is going to happen and yet not knowing what to expect. Floods downunder; rising tensions in the Middle East; and now earthquakes and tsunami in Japan and a very real threat of a nuclear meltdown. Interpretations, postulations and theories are aplenty but how are we to understand or discern these? All I know is that the stage is being set and the people of God are called to prepare and be ready.
Yes, indeed! But how does one get ready? And to be ready for what? The call has been issued but honestly, I don’t see many responding. Perhaps, these consider themselves already ready!? After all, who can fault a near-perfect church attendance? Perhaps, these understand salvation differently from me? After all, once one is saved, is not one already saved? Why is there a further need to prepare or to be ready? And so, many are content where they are in their spiritual walk. Well, good for them … I think?
But as for me … there is still that nagging discontentment. I am not satisfied with where I am at all. I know there is more and I’m not about to let up until the Lord shows it to me. There is a growing hunger and thirst for more and more of Him. There is a growing disdain for churchy talk and churchy stuff. What I want is a fresh and real encounter with God in His presence that will rock and shake me to the core! Yes, an Isaiah encounter, a Damascus Road experience, a Patmos revelation … whatever … something that will ground me firmly in the days when everything that can be shaken will be shaken. Oh, how I am crying out for that!
There is a sense of anticipation that I cannot explain. It’s as if the Lord is allowing me to become totally desperate for Him before He reveals Himself and His glory afresh. In Tommy Tenney’s book, God Chasers, he says that God desires to be found by His people. Sounds nice, but I don’t know about that at this moment. It just seems He is deliberately hiding from me until I throw my hands up in the air and cry out in utter despair.
Yes, I am praying for a breakthrough. Honestly, I don’t even know a breakthrough in what? Just a breakthrough, I guess. Then it occured to me … perhaps a vessel needs to be broken before God can reveal Himself through that one who is totally yielded and submitted to His purposes. If that’s the break-through I need, then so be it. Break me, Lord; and then reveal Your power and glory through me!
Surely, there must be more …